Narrations by C

Process Writing

2009-06-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

How To Try To Write Good
It was winter when I started to try to write narrative journalism features. Whenever I had a blank piece of paper in front of me (either on a screen or over a table) I was completely snowed under with having to write something smart and artful about whatever it could be. Now that I’ve completed a course in narrative journalism I must admit that I still feel overwhelmed when I start writing an article. However, I’m not beset any longer by writing good as I was during winter; I’m beset by having so many ideas and scenes I want to talk about that I don’t know where to start or how to shape them.
Nevertheless, I learned to do something practical in this type of situations. After the brain-storming of ideas that overwhelmed me in the first place, and before start writing, I now include a “planning” stage. It’s a simple step where I write simple sentences or even incoherent phrases about the thoughts that I want to express throughout the piece. The idea of an erudite getting inspired by the muses and suddenly writing magnificent pieces of his craft doesn’t work for me. I need to have at least a rough outline before I write the first paragraph. Most of the times I end up changing that outline completely, but just knowing that a guide is there, makes me feel relaxed and free to start writing.
Then is when a rough draft begins to appear and each one of those illogical phrases turns into related sentences and then actual paragraphs. This is the hardest part, the part where I feel that my writing “gets born.” Once I have several paragraphs that can stand on their own, they start jumping all over the page until I sense there’s a flow throughout the entire piece. After that, the touchup process comes and the rough draft is almost done, except for a short editing evaluation.
If after reading the article one more time I can tell that: a point of view is expressed; that there are scenes which are nice to read; and that the ending isn’t terrible; then I consider my draft ready to be revised, but not by me. There’s a certain point where I have read and thought about my article so much that any judgment that I can provide is useless. Therefore, unless I wait a couple of days, someone else has to proof-read my work.
Feedback, when is critical, is something that I appreciate very much. Once I’ve gathered some feedback there‘s also a part of sorting. Although it feels nice to hear compliments about how enjoyable it was to read my piece, when I read comments such as “I enjoyed reading your article, good job,” I can’t really do much with it. Sometimes it’s even frustrating because those are the kind of comments that I write when either I’m in a hurry, or when what I read didn’t really tell me anything.
Getting back into my writing, I’ve come to believe that editing – proof-reading – and providing feedback are part of an infinite cycle. Besides writing, video production is something that I feel very passionate about. Why do I mention this? Because whenever I see my finished products, I always feel the urge to go back into the edit room and change something. The same happens with my narrative pieces. This doesn’t mean that I think that a piece shouldn’t be edited, not at all. But sometimes it’s ok to just let it go and move on to the next work.
I’m conscious that not all my articles are going to be good; in fact, several might be bad, so whenever the final product isn’t what I expect after editing it twice, I think I shouldn’t keep working on that at least for a while. It’s better to give it a try to something new than to be stuck with a bad piece. However, to recognize that a work is poor, and to know the reason is what makes the difference. One thing is to write something not effective and not know it, and another is to be conscious that an article isn’t effective, but decide not to work on it for some time. This is one of the reasons why I decided not to revise my profile essay again. Instead, I decided to focus on my final profile which is a profile as well.
Humbly I would say that throughout the course I’ve felt I’ve improved in my craft and I feel strong about it. There will always be things to work on, but hopefully there are many pieces to come.

Final Feature Revised

2009-06-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

The Tribe Man

Rufus Karanja arrived to America with a huge smile on his face. He was one of the 30 students from around the world that arrived in Kalamazoo, Michigan on September 11^th, 2008. Rufus came from Kenya, where studied political science at the University of Nairobi. Soon after arriving, the international students were asked to introduce themselves in an informal welcoming act. Rufus was telling jokes to Brenda, his Kenyan compatriot who came from a different tribe, when his name was called out. “Hello everyone, it’s a pleasure to be. My name is Rufus Karanja and I’m here thanks to the Kalamazoo College scholarship,” he said. Then he took a paper out of his pocket.

Although his 38K scholarship covered his tuition, food, medical insurance and other upkeep expenses during his year abroad, Rufus didn’t have it easy. He still had to pay for his plane ticket and for legal fees. In a family where the income per parent doesn’t reach $200 per month according to the World Bank, to buy a $2000 plane ticket is close to unthinkable. Luckily, Rufus had a very extended family, and everyone was called to pitch in. His parents provided $400, most uncles gave $50 each one, and other friends of the family gave $30.

After holding the arms of his seat firmly for almost 15 hours, Rufus woke up a few minutes before landing in Chicago. This was his second time on a plane, but he still sweated whenever he remembered he was flying. The woman sitting next to him kept telling him to remain calm and to relax his arms. Rufus agreed with a smile every time, but as soon as the woman stopped looking, he assumed a terror-stricken cat posture.

From the plane, that mythic magic land that everyone talked about in Kenya seemed to be true. Rufus couldn’t stop staring at the skyscrapers of Chicago, and his neighbor couldn’t take her eyes away from him. After Chicago he flew to Kalamazoo where a couple of American students picked him up. Since Rufus didn’t know what type of formality to expect in America, he chose to wear his elegant outfit. However, when he saw the students wearing sweatpants on campus, he felt as most tourists that travel to Africa must feel when they realize that they are the only ones wearing safari suits in the city.

Rufus mentioned that “most American tourists get surprised when they land in Nairobi and they see cars instead of lions wandering around.” That might be a great disappointment, but Rufus’ cultural shock was greater. One of the students who showed the campus to Rufus asked him if he had bought his clothes on the plane and if he could see giraffes from his house. Rufus didn’t really understand the question. It didn’t take him long to believe that, in fact “most people knew nothing about Kenya, or Africa, or the world. They can only imagine me as some kind of a wild tribe man,” he said. “I thought America was this place where people knew so much about everything. At the end of the day you just have to play along and laugh at them.”

The truth is that everyone in his family wears clothes. His parents and siblings have regular jobs, and one of them runs a business. But, certainly, they maintain some traditions of their tribal ancestors. Actually, they still belong to a tribe, since that’s part of the political structure they use in the sub-Saharan countries. “In the U.S. sometimes you’re required to write down your ethnicity. It’s the same thing over there, but with tribe names,” explained Rufus.

Rufus friends say he likes to get into very interesting, but too long explanations about political and social issues, but above all, he likes to laugh. “I can’t think of a single day that I haven’t seen Rufus smiling,” said Toshi Itto, his Japanese roommate. “I haven’t met a more lovable person on campus,” also declared Mary Corcoran an American K College student.

During the welcoming act for the internationals, after Rufus took the paper out of his pocket, it was a poem he had written. There he described himself as “an unapologetic African fascinated about leadership, who believed to have a calling toward politics.” Later that day, he was clapping and teaching the rest of the internationals in the lounge a so called bowed legged chicken dance.

Rufus claims to be a social person: he loves hanging out and dancing; however he only went to two parties during his year abroad. Mostly because parties in the U.S. are different than the ones Rufus is accustomed to go. “There’s much of drinking here, for us it’s more about dancing, socializing, and there’s definitely more music than here. Maybe because of the drinking age, I don’t know; it’s like all they think about is getting drunk on the weekend,” he said.

Rufus is not much of a drinker, but once he tried to buy a beer at a Wal-Mart. At the end he didn’t because they were too expensive and also because there were too many to choose from. He is impressed by the variety of choices and opportunities that people have in America. He believes that Americans get spoiled because they have the chance to choose so much.

After his first shift working for the college’s cafeteria, Rufus mentioned that “here you can choose if you want skimmed milk, regular milk, 2% milk, chocolate milk; whereas in Africa many people don’t even have a chance to drink milk. That’s obviously another subject, and it’s not their business, but it really hurts me to see so much food being wasted every day.”

The American way of living is something that Rufus wasn’t too happy about either. “At home we are not attached to our watches; time goes by very slowly and sometimes I miss that,” said Rufus. “In Kenya when something is supposed to start let’s say at 9, the jam is not if it’ll start late, the jam is if it’ll actually happen.” He feels that he has to run all the time here; if he could, he would be late just for the fact of being late. People might think that’s a lazy way of thinking, but, Rufus is anything but lazy.

Rufus has three different jobs in K College. He was a language teaching assistant for Kiswahili, an assistant at the Center for International Programs and a dishwasher at the college’s cafeteria. Many people have asked him why he works so much if he has no expenses here. “It’s an opportunity to meet new people and learn, besides I really need the money,” Rufus explained. He feels compelled to help out his family and to return some of the funds that his family managed to gather for his flight. He will also need some money for the summer.

Rufus got an internship for the summer with a senator for the state of Michigan. He knows this is a big step toward his goal of becoming a political leader. After the summer Rufus could actually stay here and get an illegal job, earn more money than he would as a professional in Kenya and even send some extra cash to his family. Yet, Rufus aspires to help his people in a much greater way as a diplomat.

Having the experience to live “the American dream” is only a step in order to achieve his bigger dream. “This man will be a president, hear me well, this man will be the best president” shouted the cafeteria’s chief cook and pointed at Rufus, as he struggled with a leaking trash bag on its way to the container. Rufus replied: “my name is Rufus Karanja and I approved that message.”

Comments for last Workshop

2009-06-02T15:40:00.001-07:00

Marni,

I liked how you included the different students that have their own way to choose their food regardless the NuVal tips. They know what food they should eat, and they get as much as possible according to their budget. The idea that I got is that people don’t pay attention to this new system because they don’t trust it. However, I think you should talk more about why they don’t trust it. You mention that the system favors some foods and labels, but there is actually only one example. I’m sure that if you clearly define your posture towards the NuVal system this piece, would be really tight.

Mary,

Your piece was very interesting, informative and entertaining. I really enjoyed it. I believe that you made a good job talking about striking at K College as an act that has become part of a culture and not a simple obscene behavior. What I think is the heat of the piece is the paragraph where you mention how, legally speaking, there is no differentiation between nudist/child molester/student streaking after Frelon/pedophile. Maybe you should consider taking yourself out of the story and making the introduction about K College LandSea shorter.

Emily,

Great job with the narration throughout the piece; it combines different levels and different stories, which I liked very much. However, it might have been just me, but I didn’t really get if they got divorced or not. I also felt a big change on the pace from the beginning of the story to the end. At first the narration flowed faster, but later I felt it was very slow. Overall I think that this is a nice profile with a lot of context.

Maureen,

I think including Pixley’s opinion was a very smart choice. It gives your piece authority and makes the case of Javin an exposition of a greater topic which is rejection and/or not feeling part of a community. What I think would be helpful is to add more descriptions of Javin. If he says that people judge him by the way he looks and acts, then you should talk some more about how he dresses, talks, and acts. I might be wrong, but I think he is gay, so he might be part of a gay student group, and they could tell you more about him.

Joseph,

Your descriptions are excellent, as soon as I began to read the story flowed easily and quickly. I could also see that you did some research. The combination of historical facts and names, scenery descriptions and the youngster’s actions make this story very tight. What I’m not sure about is the way you end it. I think that the piece’s strength is to show how “Mountain Home Cemetery is a lively place for youth social interaction,” and not that in a couple of decades it will be gone because of soil creep.

Final Feature Draft

2009-06-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

The Tribe Man

On the 11^th of September in 2008, almost 30 students from around the world arrived in Kalamazoo, Michigan. They were the 2008-2009 “internationals” of Kalamazoo College. Rufus from Nakuru, Kenya, was one of them. Back in Kenya he was a political science student at the University of Nairobi.

Although the 38K scholarship which he was awarded for covered his tuition, food, medical insurance and other upkeep expenses during his year abroad, Rufus didn’t have it easy. He still had to pay for his plane ticket and for legal fees. In a family where the income per parent doesn’t reach $200 per month according to the World Bank, to buy a $2000 plane ticket is close to unthinkable. Luckily, Rufus had a very extend family, and everyone was called to pitch in.

After holding the arms of his seat firmly for almost 15 hours, Rufus woke up a few minutes before landing in Chicago. This was his second time on a plane, but he still sweated whenever he remembered he was flying. The woman sitting next to him kept on telling him to remain calm and to relax his arms. Rufus agreed with a smile every time, but as soon as the woman stopped looking, he assumed a petrified cat position.

From the plane, that mythic magic land that everyone talked about in Kenya seemed to be true. Rufus couldn’t stop staring at the skyscrapers as his neighbor couldn’t take her eyes away from him. A couple of American students picked him up. Since Rufus didn’t know what type of formality to expect in America, he chose to wear his elegant outfit. However, when he saw the students wearing sweatpants in the campus he felt as most tourists that travel to Africa must feel when they realize that they are the only ones wearing safari suits in the city.

Rufus mentioned that “most American tourists get surprised when they land in Nairobi and they see cars instead of lions wandering around.” That might be a great disappointment, but Rufus cultural sock was greater. One of the students who showed the campus to Rufus asked him if he had bought his clothes on the plane and if he could see giraffes from his house. Rufus didn’t really understand the question. It didn’t take him long to believe that, in fact “most people knew nothing about Kenya, or Africa, or the World. They can only imagine me as some kind of a wild tribe man,” he said. “I thought America was this place where people knew so much about everything. At the end of the day you just have to play along and laugh at them.”

The truth is that everyone in some of his family wears clothes. His parents and siblings have regular jobs, and one of them runs a business. But, certainly, they maintain some traditions of their tribal ancestors. Actually, they still belong to a tribe, since that’s part of the political structure they use in the sub-Saharan countries. “In the U.S. sometimes you’re required to write down your ethnicity, is the same thing over there, but with tribe names,” explained Rufus.

During the opening act on the first day, Rufus introduced himself to as “an unapologetic African fascinated about leadership, who believed to have a calling toward politics.” Later that day, he was clapping and teaching the rest of the internationals in the lounge a so called bowed legged chicken dance.

Rufus claims to be a social person, he loves hanging out and dancing, however he only went to two parties during his year abroad. Mostly because parties in the U.S. are different than the ones Rufus is used to go. “There’s much of drinking here, for us is more about dancing, socializing, and there’s definitely more music than here. Maybe because of the drinking age; I don’t know, it’s like all they think about is getting drunk on the weekend,” he said.

Rufus is not much of a drinker, but once he tried to buy a beer at a Wal-Mart. At the end he didn’t because they were too expensive and also because there were too many to choose from. He is impressed of the variety of choices and opportunities that people have in America. He believes that Americans get spoiled because they have the chance to choose so much.

The American way of living is something that Rufus wasn’t too happy about either. “At home we are not attached to our watches, time goes by very slowly and sometimes I miss that,” said Rufus. “In Kenya when something is supposed to start let’s say at 9, the jam is not if it’ll start late, the jam is if it’ll actually happen.” He feels that he has to run all the time here, if he could, he would be late just for the fact of being late. People might think that’s a lazy way of thinking, after all, Rufus is everything but lazy.

Rufus has three different jobs in K College. He was a language teaching assistant for Kiswahili, an assistant at the Center for International Programs and a dishwasher at the college’s cafeteria. Many people have asked him why he works so much if he has no expenses here. “It’s an opportunity to meet new people and learn… besides I really need the money,” Rufus explained. He feels compelled to help out his family and to return some of the funds that his family managed to gather for his flight. He will also need some money for the summer.

Rufus got an internship for the summer with a senator for the state of Michigan. He knows this is a big step in his way to become a political leader. After the summer Rufus could actually stay here and get an illegal job, earn more money than he would as a professional in Kenya and even send some extra cash to his family. Yet, Rufus aspires to help his people in a much greater way as a diplomat.

Having the experience to live “the American dream” is only a step to achieve his bigger dream. “This man will be a president, hear me well, this man will be the best president” shouted once the cafeteria’s chief cook and pointed at Rufus, as he struggled with a leaking trash bag on its way to the container. Rufus replied: “my name is Rufus Karanja and I approved that message.”

Reporting my Final Project

2009-05-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

In my pitch I said that i wanted to get a deep look into the life of each one of my characters to expose a greater topic. Before starting I had an idea of the structure that the piece should had and more or less the things that the characters were going to say. However, once the process of interviewing began, it became very hard to have them talk about the topics I wanted. 3 out of 4 spent most of the time telling me about the things they missed from home such as food, family, friends, and how classes at K College were different from the ones at their universities. In other words, they talked about the general stuff, which on the paper translates into boring stuff.

I'm responsible for that because I didn't really spend time preparing specific questions for each one of them. I asked the same general questions to everyone, so they told me the same things.

My second round of interviews was much better though. I finally got to see their own individual conflict. They all want to succeed, but everyone thinks of success as something different; that relates to the place they come from.

I believe that I've found the heat of my piece, so now I'm working on different scenes for each character. The thing is that during these days they are too busy with exams and homework so they aren't doing anything exciting to describe. Any ideas?

Profile Essay Revised

2009-05-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

Linda Leaves Kalamazoo

Back in the early nineties, Linda’s fridge had more groceries than it could hold inside, and dozens of pictures stuck to its door. The same fridge now has almost enough food to feed one person, and its door looks plain. A real estate agent told Linda to take away anything that could make the house look “personal.”

She is about to begin a new cycle. At 60, she will join the Peace Corps at the end of this summer. She will serve in Casablanca, on the Norwest coast of Morocco, for at least 27 months helping small communities to develop small businesses. Although in recent years there have been several suicide bombings in the city, Morocco is not a terribly unsafe place to be; in fact, it is considered to be among the safest Arabic countries by the Peace Corps. Anyhow, Linda is not afraid of getting killed there; she prefers to think about the people and places she will get to know, mainly the people.

What currently worries Linda is selling her two-floor house (with a backyard that includes a pond) in these tough days. Yet, even if she can’t find a buyer by the end of July, Linda is going to leave. She loves her home, her town, and her work; but she doesn’t want to be here anymore. She could also retire next year, but not even that will make Linda change her mind. She has already decided to run off.

Linda defines herself as adventurous, if she loves one thing it is to travel. However, since her hitchhiking experience in Europe when she was 21, and attempts to live in different states, Linda has been around the Midwest during the last four decades. Nonetheless, she has enjoyed it, because the other thing that she loves is her keeping in touch with her family. Her office, fully adorned with photos, stuffed animals, letters, keepsakes, and her computer screensaver give her away. Linda could sit for hours watching the screensaver display the pictures of the time when she married her nephew and another couple of friends. Linda isn’t religious; but she obtained through a website a license to marry people in the State of Michigan.

When she was in Europe she decided to come back to Michigan because she wanted her newborn nephews and nieces to know her, but she didn’t want to be too close. Lansing was a good choice since it was a couple of hours away from her family, and her “high school sweetheart,” who had returned from Vietnam, was living there. Soon after she was established in Lansing she married Jim.

By the time Lina was 30 she wanted a baby, and a few years later Chris was born. Jim and her were married for 24 years and, as Linda said, she “was happy being a mom and preparing cookies.” While living in North Chicago due to Jim’s job, Linda had a daycare where she helped to raise 6 children, including Chris. At the same time, at the Illinois hospice, she was also “working with 6 different people helping them to die.” This was a good training for both her father’s death and, years later, Jim’s. Jim died of cancer 13 years ago, when Chris was 13. “After Jim’s death my goal was to raise a happy healthy young man who wants to leave his mom,” said Linda, “and I think I’ve done it for good.”

While Jim was still alive, Linda completed her degree in business. However, she ended up learning how to repair car transmissions with Jim in Kalamazoo. Those were the great days when the Schubel’s big house was full most of the time; or when their 8-person camping tent could end up jam-packed on a weekend trip. The past weekend the tent was sold for $25 dollars at the yard sale that Linda held. While the yard sale took place, Linda managed to save a box that was going to be sold by mistake. It contained “statistics of life,” poems, lyrics of songs, pictures and quotes which are part of the collection for her self-made obituary.

Linda doesn’t live with Chris anymore, he lives in Chicago. She is not fixing auto transmissions either; she has a job at Kalamazoo College as the Administrative Assistant of the Library. Every day she gets up at 6 am and turns the coffee on, makes her bed and hops into the shower. She drinks her first cup of coffee in front of the TV with the news on; the second cup walks with her as she gets ready. Typically, she has a piece of fruit and cold cereal for breakfast. Before 7:30 she puts the leftover food back in the fridge.

There is not much interaction with people at work, but Linda tries to talk with students and to hug them as much as possible anyway. She is probably the world’s biggest fan of hugs, and claims that everyone feels good receiving hugs. Whenever she runs into a familiar student, a hug is not an option, it’s a fact.

Linda believes that to keep in touch with students has revived her adventurous spirit. After talking with a student who studied abroad in Latin America, Linda was so impressed that she convinced Chris to spend vacations in Ecuador with her. Over there they rode on local buses though the jungle, climbed a volcano and saw giant turtles.

That was an adventure, but joining the Peace Corps will be a riskier challenge. Nevertheless, it’s a challenge that Linda is willing to take. For her, the Peace Corps represent a chance to “give back and help out people;” as she did in the hospice, except this time something is different. Back in those days Linda was tied with obligations and responsibilities, and especially with someone at home waiting for her. Since Chris left a few years ago, her adventurous spirit has been feeling lonely. That’s something that a juicy retirement fund can’t fix, and that not even death can frighten away.

In fact, Linda claims that death is something interesting. While she volunteered at the hospice, she made a collage about life and death. “[She] has always had this interest in dying, but not gory, not sad. In the collage, the picture of death was a burnt out forest, but the fresh green was starting on the base and coming back, it’s a cycle.”

“It’s not that I’m looking to die, certainly I don’t want to do that now. I’ve had a really good life,” Linda said. In fact, what Linda wishes for the most is “some years of really good health and opportunities to continue to explore and to know that I did it.” Of course, she also wishes for years of good health in order to get Chris married.

As Linda thinks, her cycle in Kalamazoo has reached its end. She is conscious that her life “has never been in such a limbo as it is now, and anything can happen,” anything but solitude. Her plans might deal with the chance of getting killed, but not with the chance of being alone.

Pitch For Final Feature

2009-05-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

Here is my story pitch for the third assignment. I will write a feature about 4 college students who met in college, the heme, with a socio economical perspective, will contrast the way of living and growing up in different parts of the world. For this I will interview 3 international students at K College and a local student. One will be from the U.S., one from Europe, one from Latin America and another one from Africa.

I hope this piece to narrate a journey through their lives, exposing global inequity.

Articles Response

2009-05-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

DON’T say science is not interesting. One thing that worked in this piece was the continuity that Lehrer gave to the experiments he described. I really liked that he began talking about the marshmallow experience with Carolyn and then brought it up several times throughout the story, especially when Mischel gets in touch with the kids many years later, when they are in high school. Another thing that I liked is how Lehrer subtly mentioned details about Mischel’s life, like how his family came to the U.S. The only but of the piece is that it should be more evocative. I know that we’re talking about science, but at some points the story seemed like a biography full of years and facts.

On the other hand, “Pearls Before Breakfast” was fascinating. That’s what I meant about being evocative even about science. Although I couldn’t finish reading the article (sorry, but 24 pages were too much after Conover’s road story), I learnt a lot. The art experiment made me think if nowadays everyone lives in its own bubble, or if people recognize “high art” only when it’s inside museums.

Reading Response W7

2009-05-13T09:46:00.001-07:00

“The Road is Very Unfair” was like watching Hotel Rwanda. It was an exhaustive image of a most tragic human condition due to extreme poverty and disease contrasted with the narration of a journey in some of the most beautiful natural landscapes in the world. There were lines that simply struck me, like the one about the “Fatalism” of Africa or the story of the turnboy whose dead body decomposed outside the truck company. I’m also impressed by the accurateness and precision with which Conover described his journey, from the mosquito bites under the truck, to the week they spent waiting for gasoline at a gas pump or the volleyball game at the ambassador’s house. He’s narration flows from scene to scene, which allows him to string the actions of the journey with the idiosyncrasy of the several characters (including himself) and their motivations. In this case, the “I” voice plays an important role in the piece because it lets the reader identify with someone.

Overall I believe that Kramer and Conover did superb jobs exposing an extensive image of a personal story, with a social issue perspective as a background. Although Conover’s was a great narrative example, when I reached the middle I just wanted it to finish. I don’t know if it was because I expected something shorter, or because at some points I felt that both, Conover and me as a reader, were overwhelmed by the whole situation and didn’t want to hear more.

Profile Drafts Workshop

2009-05-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

Mary:

I think that your descriptions are great. They gave me a clear sense of the atmosphere inside Munchie Mart. You include some good details; I especially enjoyed the one about the music the guys play and the story of the kid who broke into the store to get the fake ID. It was hilarious. At some points I wanted to see the guys interacting with students. Maybe you could describe a short scene of a college student trying to buy alcohol like you did with the old drunk.

Maureen:

This girls seems like a “Grinch-like” character. I was very engaged and wanted to learn more about this girl. The quotes that you chose are very meaningful and say a lot about Jane’s personality. However, I think you might be focusing only one part of this character. I’m sure there’s got to be something else, something in her life that could explain her repudiation toward the “American Culture” and wanting to go to Germany. I also think that at least she must have one single relatively close friend, so I would like to know what he or she might say about her.

Finally, there is one small detail, but makes your piece lose credibility: You mention Caceres being is right outside Barcelona. Actually, Caceres is on the west side of the country, very far away from Barcelona which is on the East coast (maybe 10 hours away).

Marny:

Your first paragraph was great. It grabbed my attention immediately; I think it makes the reader feel closer to the character when we see him/her dealing with regular daily troubles, such as being late. However I would like to know more about Kuni. I believe that her Japanese background is very important, as well as the way how the cultural shock has affected her. For instance, I remember that I had a theatre class with her in Fall, once the teacher asked her to call her by her Pat, instead of Professor Daniels, but Kuni refused because that would be considered as something unrespectful in Japan.

Emily:

What I most liked about your piece was the way how you presented the idea of permanency and how you played with the word “perpetual” several times, especially in the last phrase: “For now, it’s up to Fitzpatrick to take responsibility for its perpetuation”. I also think that your descriptions are very vivid. You did a gob job with the word choice. The only thing that I wasn’t sure was deciding who the main subject of the profile was. Is it the “Exquisite Corpse” or Fitzpatrick? I got an idea of both, but at the end of the piece I felt quite lost.

Joseph:

Good job, there are some lines that I think that are just perfect: “He seems very placid, until nervously he touches two fingers to his lips, remembers he no longer smokes”; or “I’ve been there, man, all the cliché rocker addictions.” Those phrases that seem to provide details in fact say much more and give the reader a wider understanding of the character.

You also maintained the pace and the tension almost until the end, but the last paragraph threw me off. It left me in the middle of nowhere; I feel that it was a too inconclusive conclusion. That is the only thing I would change.

Colin:

The first paragraphs were nice and descriptive. I thought that your piece was going to focus on the metro station being a transitory space. However, after you mentioned the murder I assumed that the real heat of the piece was the lack of security of the station and how people are careless. If I’m right, then I think that you should bring up the problem sooner. I’m not sure if it is a matter of structure, or that you talk about different themes in the piece, what confused me at some points. Finally, I have to tell you that the way you built up the tension worked very well. I was totally engaged.

Lindsey:

I see a lot of research and time spent in The Strutt in your essay, which I consider that gives you authority and credibility. But I have to say that at parts I felt that “The Strutt: more than Just Coffe” would greatly serve as an infomercial add for a magazine rather than a narrative profile.

This guy Darren seems very interesting; I want to know the reason why he decided to continue investing in the place if it has been a failure until now. Why did the previous Dino’s close? I remember that a friend once told the owners of Dino’s had an argument and the one who owned the name decided to leave. That’s why they changed the name, however a couple of days later I went to The Strutt and there were explanatory flyers at the counter. They stated that the reason they changed the name was because Italian coffee wasn’t so good after all, so the place should have an American name instead.

Profile Essay Draft

2009-05-04T13:57:00.000-07:00

Linda Travels

Linda is about to begin a new cycle. At her 60 years of age, she will join the Peace Corps at the end of this summer. She will serve in Casablanca, on the North West coast of Morocco, for at least 27 months helping small communities to develop small businesses. Although in recent years there have been several suicide bombings in the city, Morocco is not a terribly unsafe place to be, in fact, it is considered to be among the safest Arabic countries. When I asked Linda if she was scared of getting killed over there she said no.

As many other people she believes that death is something that one shouldn’t be afraid of, but she has her own definition for death. Back in the 70’s, when Linda was a hospice volunteer director in Illinois, she made a collage about life and death. “I’ve always had this interest in dying, but not gory, not sad. In the collage, the picture of death was a burnt out forest, but the fresh green was starting on the base and coming back, it’s a cycle”.

Linda defines herself as adventurous, and says that if she loves something it is to travel. However, since her hitchhiking experience in Europe when she was 21 and some attempts to live in different states like Colorado or Arkansas, Linda has been around the Midwest during the last four decades. But she has had a good time here, because the other thing that she loves, although she doesn’t confess, is her family. Her office fully adorned with pictures, stuffed animals and keepsakes gives her away.

When she was in Europe she decided to come back to Michigan because she wanted her newborn nephews and nieces to know her, but she didn’t want to be too close. Lansing was a good choice, not only because family would be a couple of hours close or away, but because Jim had returned from Vietnam. Soon after she established in Lansing, she married her “high school sweetheart”.

By the time Linda was 30 she wanted a baby, a few years later Chris was born. “We were married for 24 years and I was happy being a mom and preparing cookies”. “Jim was my best friend, and my lover and my mate. Oh man, what a great combination!” Jim died of cancer when Chris was 13. “After Jim’s death my goal was to raise a happy healthy young man who wants to leave his mom, and I think I’ve done it for good.”

While they were living in North Chicago due to Jim’s job, Linda had a daycare where she helped to raise 6 children, including Chris. At the same time, at the Illinois hospice, she was also “working with 6 different people helping them to die.” It was a good training for both his father’s death and years later Jim’s.

Baking cookies was okay, but one day Linda decided that she “wasn’t having success just getting pregnant”, so she returned to school and completed her degree in Business. However, she ended learning how to repair car transmissions with Jim in Kalamazoo, where they bought they own business. Those were the great days when the Schubel’s huge house and the even huger yard with its own pond were most of the time occupied; or when the 8 people camping tent could end up jam-packed on a weekend trip. The past weekend the tent was waiting for a buyer on the garage sale that Linda held.

Linda doesn’t live with Chris anymore, he lives in Chicago. She is not fixing auto transmissions either; she has a job at Kalamazoo College as the Administrative Assistant of the Library. Every day she gets up at 6 am and turns the coffee on, she makes her bed and hops into the shower. She drinks her first cup of coffee in front of the TV, with the news on; the second cup walks with her as she gets ready. Typically, she has a piece of fruit and cold cereal. Before 7:30 she puts the food back in the fridge, which a few months ago had dozens of pictures stuck to the door. Now the door is plain because the real estate agent told Linda to take away anything that could make the house look “personal”.

On a recent email Linda described the common activities that she does at work, in one of her lines she said: “I talk with students as much as possible and HUG” -with capital letters. Linda is probably the world’s biggest fan of hugs. Once I asked her why she loved them so much. “Don’t you feel good when someone hugs you?” she replied. “Well, there you go”. Then she hugged me as my grandma would.

She believes that keeping in touch with students has revived her adventurous spirit. Recently, Linda went to spend vacations in Ecuador with Chris. Over there they rode on local buses for 10 hours or more, climbed a volcano and saw giant turtles, but joining the Peace Corps will surely be much more challenging. Until a few years ago “I was tied, I had obligations and responsibilities, but now I can do it, this is my way of giving back.” Anyhow, Linda has already been interviewed, fingerprinted, her FBI background was checked and soon she will begin to study Arabic. There’s no way back.

Now that her cycle in Kalamazoo is closing another one is beginning. After Morocco Linda plans to retire, however there is also a slight chance of staying. She might do some recruiting, especially for older adults. “But who knows, I’ve never been so in the limbo in my life.”

Since she came back from Ecuador she began to sort everything that she had accumulated during more than a decade in her home. She has found as many flower vessels as the neighborhood could need. There are also been other discoveries that are more especial. Among other few things, Linda is gathering “statistics of life”, poems, lyrics of songs, pictures and quotes to add them to her self-made obituary.

“It’s not that I’m looking to die, certainly I don’t want to do that now. I’ve had a really good life, but as I tell my son, if something should happen, find peace knowing that mom is doing what she wanted to do.” In fact, what Linda wishes the most is “some years of really good health and opportunities to continue to explore and to know that I did it.” Of course, she also wishes years of good health to get Chris married. Linda isn’t a religious person, but just for the record she is a licensed priest in the State of Michigan and has already married her nephew, her niece and a couple of friends.

On the last email that I received from her titled she announced that she would miss all the students and that she was leaving to Morocco. Then she said goodbye with her usual footnote quote: “Live you live and forget your age J.”

Personal Essay Final Version

2009-04-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

Crossing Lines

When I came back to the U.S. after this spring break I found myself answering the immigration officer’s questions even before he had asked them to me. I’m now so used to those short bitter interrogations that no question takes me by surprise anymore. Why are you entering the U.S.? Why did you leave the U.S.? Who paid for your trip? When are you leaving? What are you bringing in your luggage? Are you bringing food? Are you sure? What type of food? Why are you upset? What’s your College name? Can you spell it for me?

While I was standing in front of the officer, there was only one thing I really wanted to ask him: Why are you asking me this if you already know? Isn’t that thick passport full of stamps and UV light secured Visas supposed to provide you the information you need? Besides, I knew that he had every single detail about me on his screen. Not even I know so much about myself.

The reason why I knew this goes back to winter break, when some friends and I went on a road trip to Canada. After visiting a couple of cool frozen cities we ended up in a small town called Mont Tremblant in Quebec. It was a great place to spend two or even three days, but if you only had 10 days of vacation, four days were too much. By the end of the third day I decided that I was going to visit an old high school friend who was doing her study abroad year at Ottawa University. The following morning I went tubing with my friends and around midday I borrowed the rental car promising that I would pick up a forgotten backpack in Montreal, fill the gas tank, and be back before 5 a.m. the next morning.

Thanks to a Tom-Tom GPS stuck to the windshield, I got to Montreal pretty soon and picked up an ordinary black high school backpack from the hostel we had stayed in. I was very anxious to meet my friend Belén, so I asked “Tommy” for the fastest way to get to Ottawa. 2 hours later I was parking outside her dorm building. After sightseeing the city for a while, we had a blast. We hung out as we used to do in Quito. However I had promised my friends that I’d be back before the sunrise. I felt like a Cinderella man.

At 1 am I hit the road, I could see my face on the rearview mirror, and it was grinning from ear to ear. According to “Tommy”, if I took the shortest way –not the fastest, in order to save some gas- I would arrive to Mont Tremblant at 4 am. The timing was perfect, I would be there just in time for packing up my things, getting ready, and as we were supposed to leave at 5:30 am, I could have the third row seat just for myself and sleep during the whole 7-hour-long trip to Niagara.

But “Tommy” let me down after 20 minutes. A road that I was supposed to take was closed due to the snow, so when I took an alternate road, the he went crazy and the screen froze. I pulled over in the nearest Petro-Canada station. The convenience store was closed, but it didn’t matter since I only wanted to stop to reset the damn GPS. I hadn’t even turned off the engine when a police car parked in front of me. Two Canadian cops stepped out of their patrol and shined their flashlights in my windshield. “Raise your hands slowly!” I followed every instruction carefully.

I don’t know why, but I was already feeling guilty. One of the officers stood next to my window and asked me to roll it down. “Good night officer” I greeted, and got in return “License and registration sir.” I gave him my driver’s license, my passport and the papers of the rental car. His face looked surprised and upset, which made me feel guiltier. He gave my papers to his partner, who took them inside the patrol.

“Why did you pull over here if the gas station is closed?” I only wanted to reset my GPS because the road that I was supposed to take is closed. “Hum… So where are you going?” To Mont Tremblant. “Have you been drinking?” No officer. “Ok, wait here.” He went back to the car and came back 10 long minutes later.

“Explain me how is it that a guy with an Ecuadorian passport, but a Michigan driver’s license, driving a car registered in New York ends appears in Quebec in the middle of the night? Don’t you think that is somehow random?” Well, yes. Of course it is random I thought, but what can I do. A touristic place is supposed to expect random people. Besides, was I guilty of traveling? I tried to explain that I was spending winter break in Canada, but he wasn’t convinced so the interrogation started again.

“Our records show that you got a Canadian Visa in Detroit and you entered through Sarnia on Monday, where have you been during these days? Are you carrying any illegal substances such as drugs? Can you open the trunk? After that question, I got paralyzed. I forgot to mention that when I picked up the back pack, the zipper was broken. And the owner of the back pack happened to suffer from asthma and other allergies. I could only imagine myself being arrested after the cop sees all those prescription legal pills spilled. It took me half an hour to clear that issue.

Then the final round of questions began. Don’t you think it is too late to be driving in a highway that you are not familiar with? Did you say you study in Michigan? Are you sure? Because we’ve been told it is Kansas College.” No officer. It’s Kalamazoo College, in Michigan. He went back to the car and brought my papers back. He said that I seemed like a good guy so they would let me go.

“Let me go?” That’s crap. I had a Passport with a stamped Visa, a valid driver’s license and a registered rental car, but something had to be wrong. There was no way that a Latin American guy could be traveling around for leisure in North America, right?

And all those questions for what? Maybe he was trying to confirm that his colleagues in the Canadian Embassy, the American Embassy and in the airport customs didn’t make a mistake by stamping my Visa; which by the way proves that I already paid hundreds of dollars in fees and got dozens of additional documents to prove that I am not a menace to the homeland security.

Anyway, after I was free to go and the GPS finally worked, I arrived to Mont Tremblant one and a half hours late. I felt mistreated, distressed and tired. Before getting out of the car my phone rang. It was Belén asking if had arrived; she also told me that she had uploaded the pictures of that day on facebook. When we hung up I saw my face on the rearview mirror again. I was grinning from ear to ear once more.

However, this time in the airport I didn’t have happy face. I was running out of time. After having flown for over 10 hours from Brussels to New York JFK, I only had 3 hours to get my bags, take the metro, then ride a bus and get to La Guardia to finally fly to Chicago where my friend Jason was waiting for me to take me back to Kalamazoo.

So when the immigration officer asked me if I was upset I hesitate for a while. I was sorry for all the travelers who’ve had and will have to deal with the North American Inquisition; but a random guy who I wouldn’t probably see ever again wasn’t going to affect the good memories of my trip. - And I answered “No”.

About my profile

2009-04-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

“I have to admit (and probably most of you guys who are reading this) I like” Gaga´s music. This comment made me want to keep reading the article. But the reason why I chose this piece is that it´s a good and concrete examples of theories that seem far away from our daily live experience. By this I mean 1that Sasha Frere-Jones clearly shows an example of something that isn´t new at all: Pop music, and pop art as a whole, is the ultimate example of cultural industry and its constant recycling of themes and products. Frere-Jones mentions how well known songs such as Eifel 65´s “Blue” has been the basis for new hits.

Lady Gaga has her own basis rhythms. I have a CD with about 50 new Berlin dance hits and after comparing it with Gaga’s “Poker Face” I can really assure that the beats are alike. As Flo Rida picked up something that once worked to create something “new” that will work again, Gaga does the same but with beats that haven´t been so popular in the U.S. That´s why it feels so new here; it´s an intercontinental recycling!

What I think the amount of examples that Frere-Jones uses gives her authority, however, something that I don´t like about this piece is that I feel some bitter from her. For example, remarks such as Akon being a “certified pop star with an ornately embellished criminal past” which don´t serve the thesis of the article at all.

5th week profile

2009-04-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

Here's my profile for 5th week.
I hope you like it, I had fun reading it.

Link

Outline of Personal Essay

2009-04-22T18:08:00.000-07:00

1. Complication: I face discrimination

2. Development: - I visit Canada

- Cop questions me

- I am innocent

3. Resolution: I overcome discrimination

Profile Response W4

2009-04-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Austin:

I’ve tried to find more information about this subject. Apparently everyone, especially in the UK, is trying to find out what’s going on. For what I’ve read until now, not even scientists or sociologists have nailed it down as Alex Shoumatoff´s piece. Yes, it is quite long and absolutely morbid, but definitely engaging. As we´ve heard many times in class, a good narrative piece calls your attention on topics that otherwise you would probably dismiss. It´s clear that Shoumatoff did an exhaustive research on this beforehand and after visiting Wales. He presents as many possible explanations as he could find, which gives him great authority. The way he shows them is like dealing a deck of cards. The reader has so much information to digest in front of him that there is no other choice than to believe the author.

Finally, he follows a main structure throughout the piece which is the narration of his visit to the town (a linear structure), and introduces all the research, interviews and comments in between. I think that due to the amount of information related choosing a linear was a good choice.

Lindsey:

This article revealed a lot about Baghdad´s forbidden night live coming up to surface. The “I” voice has no influence on the story, which is right since the author plays only the role of a witness in the narration. I also liked the fast pace and the quotes which lets the reader imagine the ironical scenes described. I really liked this one: “They were shocked and didn’t agree to open discussion on this issue,” she said. The shock, she said, was that she dared to mention the problem.

However, this confused me about the type of article this was. I couldn't really decide if it was a news report or a narrative essay.

Emily:

I'm glad I read your article at last, otherwise I would still be thinking of the suicidal city in the UK or the underage flourishing prostitution in Baghdad! This is a fascinating case; it took me by surprise to know that he had a Stage IV cancer and it is even more surprising that he uses his sense of smell to totally compensate it. This reminded me of a doc. I just saw, it was about these people who could “literally” see smells as colors. I can’t remember the name of the phenomenon.

Reading Response Week 4

2009-04-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

Trina & Trina, An American Man at Age Ten, True Story

When I started reading Trina’s story I imagined that the piece was going to focus on the terrible things that Trina would suffer and the consequences of drugs. Obviously I was wrong because this was much more personal than that. LeBlanc’s narrates the story in a way that makes the reader feel not only for “the subject”, but also for the narrator.

LeBlanc introduces an additional conflict between her and Trina, which I found very unique. Trina's erratic behavior disillusions LeBlanc and the reader.

I’m impressed of how much Trina gets to trust LeBlanc. Although it is difficult for Trina to open up to LeBlanc, she constantly turns to her because LeBlanc has reached her on another level. That is something essential for a profile.

About Susan Orlean’s piece, I have to say that the lede confused me for a while. I still don’t know what to think about the idea about her marrying Colin at the beginning. It somehow distracted me. But as I kept reading, the narrative flowed easily. There was a point near the end where I could really feel the climax of the story and all the facts about Colin got linked with the list in the first paragraph.

Overall Orlean did a great job letting this 10-year-old boy’s personality shine through. The contrast between childhood and pre-adolescence worked very well. “These jolts of sobriety in the midst of rank goofiness are a ten-year-old's specialty”. There is no better way to describe it. One of my favorite paragraphs was the one where Colin and the narrator discuss how boys are better than girls, and then Colin asks her if she would have an abortion.

Finally, I felt that the conversations fit right and I agree with "Telling True Stories" that the dialogue brings the piece alive. It made possible to picture the character clearly.

Pitch for Profile

2009-04-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

My profile will be about a custodian of DeWaters Hall in Kalamazoo College, his name is Melvin and he is from New Orleans. The reason I’m interested in writing about him is because he experienced the Katrina disaster. Many members of his family lost their lives, which is one of the reasons that pushed him to come to Michigan.

Profiles response W3

2009-04-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

I’ve been spending more time trying to decide which my favorite line in the Mumbay article is than reading the whole piece. For now I’ll say is this one: “Bombay is enjoying a status boom, unmatched anywhere in the world.javascript:void(0) There are Italian restaurants, wine bars, and nightclubs. There’s charity, and there are openings of things that don’t need opening. There are guest lists and blacklists, fashion, flirtation, and casual infidelity. (But they still don’t kiss on-screen.)”

There is so much of context, personal insights and vivid experiences in every paragraph that you could feel you are the eyes of the narrator. A.A. Gil sets up scenes smoothly with very smart sentences. The example that I mentioned above, for instance, is a description of the city’s economical faced with the idiosyncrasy of the Indian culture. That is an idea that we can find throughout the whole article.

As opposed of this profile, "Notes from Rio" seemed to me as a merely touristic description of Rio. After reading it I wished I had rather seen pictures of the beaches and the city’s attractions. It didn’t really tell me something profound about the place and its ways. I’m a South American, and perhaps some of the things that the author described don’t impressed me as much as they did to him, but I truly believe that if a piece is well written, it should be able to call your attention no matter the subject.

Reading Response W3

2009-04-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that “Writing for Story” by Franklin was useful, but I must also confess that it also exasperated me as much as it helped me. Here is why: I think that in fact it is an easy-to-follow guide that can illuminate any beginning journalist or anyone who is interested in writing about literary nonfiction. Instead of focusing on style, grammar, and word use (as most of the writing books), this book focuses on structure. Franklin is a true believer of starting with an outline, and then writing the climax and the parts that seem to be harder. As tedious as writing an outline may sound, it is irrefutably helpful. We all have to admit it.

Besides, Franklin won a Pulitzer for feature, so must know what he’s talking about. I really enjoyed reading Mrs. Kelley's Monster, I love the type of writing that is very detailed about timing. Now, the problem with “Writing for Story” is that the way he presents this book is not concise, by this I mean that he gets to the points too late. When I read a know-how book, I want to learn about the craft, not about the author.

Reading Reponse W2

2009-04-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

Stories Matter by Jaqui Banaszynski

On her essay, Jacqui Banaszynski wrote about her experience following the lives of two farmers who were diagnosed with AIDS in Ethiopia. With a very precise word choice, Banaszynski let the reader become part of the narration. I think that the first person in the narration was very well used. It’s like if while reading it, one would be on her shoes, witnessing all the misery and without being able of doing anything.

For me, Banaszynski’s voice is very frank and very accurate in her descriptions. For instance, when she tells how people died every day and girls pushed rags into the mud and then pulled them out in an effort to obtain some water out of the mud.

Finally, Banaszynski stands for the importance of storytelling and there is no better evidence than showing how in the middle of the misery and death, the elders in the rudimentary tent camp would sing.

Reflections

2009-04-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

Mary:
I enjoyed reading your piece; I think there are some good twists in your essay. I liked how you change the direction of the story: from a car accident to the frustration of depending on the city’s car service, then to your gain of freedom by obtaining your license.
There are also some lines that were very fun to read, such as “I don’t think she liked it, but I hated it” or “In his smoke filled car he lectured me, his goal seeming to be distraction, to get me to drive from instinct”, that really gave me a feeling of your voice and your tone.

Maureen:
Your essay is very engaging and attention-grabber. When I was reading it, I felt like watching a chick flick, so I was really looking forward for the “tomboy girl” getting the handsome kid. I think that the pace is very good and there are great scenes like the one with Aunt Oneida at the mall. Including some of her dialogues like “Mi hija, now you look like a true Dominican”, was a very good idea. I had a clear and detailed idea of what was going on.
However, I felt that the ending is quite sudden. The last paragraphs seemed to wrap up the whole story with a moral. I’m sure that if you revise this part the piece will improve significantly.

Marni:
Your story is very personal and very detailed, but at the same time it says a lot about the general experience of being in a foreign country, especially during study abroad. I think you really get the reader by being accurate and sincere when you describe the difficulties of your journey. I could imagine the feeling of helpless and vulnerability.
The orchid’s survival works as a secondary story that makes your narration enjoyable to read. While you are the one in danger, the attention lays on the orchid. It’s very interesting how an ordinary conflict such as taking the wrong bus can become extraordinary.

Emily:
I agree with Joseph, what a homely piece, it’s very nice to read. What I most like about it is that your story manages to both tell your personal experience and bring up the theme of culture, specifically about Jewish cuisine and family reunions. I’m not very familiarized with Judaism, but I never felt lost in any part of the reading.
The plot flows smoothly and I believe that you made a good work explaining some terms that the reader may need to know, like matzo balls. The other part that I enjoyed reading was the description of the table fight. The line when the “plastic locusts and frogs began to fly across the table…” is awesome.

Joseph:
The bold personal voice that you used makes your piece very powerful and kept the tension growing. It’s nice to read how you describe the club, the people inside and the whole spectacle. I see that description, specifically when you’re standing on the stairs, like a billboard picture of a NY club. It’s interesting to read how you use that same image that clubs might use as publicity to talk against them and what they represent. The only part that I would revise is the one with the inner voice, it might be only me, but it felt more like a political candidate speech.
Overall I think you did a great job with the word choice, you have very mart lines. I especially like the one with the man with eyes like the ones of a toddler, and your kicker line.

Colin:
The first reaction that I had after reading your piece was “this guy is really being honest!” Your way of defining the rest of the people is very bold and even bigot, but the fact that you admit it and are conscious of it throughout the story lets you go away with it. I think it is very fun to read, however there is a part of it that I think is missing. You jump from hating to loving, I need some more about the experience that made you change your mind.

Lindsey:
I think that your piece is very powerful and passionate, which grabs the reader’s attention. I felt really engaged reading this. About the length, I didn’t find it as long as I thought however at some points I felt that the plot could move faster. I think you might want to cut some parts; maybe each paragraph could be reduced. The other thing is that until the very last moment I couldn’t make the connection between the title “Karma” and the theme of the story. I think it has to do more with child abuse and discharge.
Overall I think that you main strength with this piece is how you talk about violent situations in a composed way.

Personal Essay

2009-04-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

Crossing Lines

When I came back to the U.S. after this spring break I found myself answering the immigration officer’s questions even before he had asked them to me. I’m now so used to those short bitter interrogations that there’s no way any question can take me by surprise anymore. Why are you entering the U.S.? Why did you leave the U.S.? Who paid for your trip? When are you leaving? What are you bringing in your luggage? Are you bringing food? Are you sure? What type of food? I said I’m not bringing food. Why are you upset? What’s your College name? Can you spell it for me?

While I was standing in front of the officer, there was only one thing I really wanted to ask him: Why are you asking me this if you already know? Isn’t that thick passport full of stamps and UV light secured Visas supposed to provide you the information you need. Besides, I knew that he had every single detail about me on his screen. Not even I know so much about myself.

The reason why I knew this goes back to winter break, when some friends and I went on a road trip to Canada. After visiting a couple of cool frozen cities we ended up in a small town called Mont Tremblant in Quebec. It was a great place to spend two or even three days, but if you only had 10 days of vacation, four days were too much. By the end of the third day I decided that I was going to visit an old high school friend who was doing her study abroad year in Ottawa University. The following morning I went tubing with my friends and around midday I borrowed the rental car promising that I would pick up a forgotten backpack in Montreal, fill the gas tank, and be back before 5 am of the next morning.

Thanks to a Tom-Tom GPS stuck to the windshield, I arrived to Ottawa at 3pm. I met my friend Belén and we went sightseeing until we got hungry. She took me to a poutine restaurant. Poutine is a Canadian dish consisting of French fries topped with cheese curds and covered with brown gravy: one of the best heart-stopping meals that I’ve ever tried.

Long story cut short, we said goodbye and I hit the road at 1 am. According to the GPS, if I took the shortest way –not the fastest, in order to save some gas- I would arrive to Mont Tremblant at 4 am. The timing was perfect, I would be there just in time for packing up my things, getting ready, and as we were supposed to leave at 5:30 am, I could ask the third row seat just for myself and sleep during the whole 7-hour-long trip to Niagara.

However, Tom-Tom let me down after 20 minutes. A road that I was supposed to take was closed due to the snow, so when I took an alternate road, the GPS went crazy and the screen froze. I pulled over in the nearest Petro-Canada station. The convenience store was closed, but it didn’t matter since I only wanted to stop to reset the GPS. I hadn’t even turned off the engine when a police car parked in front of me. Two Canadian cops stepped out of their patrol and shined their flashlights in my windshield. “Raise your hands slowly!” I followed every instruction carefully.

I don’t know why, but I was already feeling guilty. One of the officers stood next to my window and asked me to roll it down. “Good night officer”, I greeted and got in return “License and registration sir”. I gave him my driver’s license, my passport and the papers of the rental car. His face looked surprised and upset, which made me feel guiltier. He gave my papers to his partner, who took them inside the patrol.

“Explain me how is that a guy with an Ecuadorian passport, but a Michigan driver’s license, driving a car registered in New York ends appears in Quebec in the middle of the night? Don’t you think that is somehow random?” Well, yes. Of course it is random I thought, but what can I do. I mean, was I guilty of traveling? I tried to explain him that I was spending winter break in Canada, but he wasn’t convinced so the interrogation started again.

“Our records show that you got a Canadian Visa in Detroit and you entered through Sarnia on Monday, where have you been during these days? Are you carrying any illegal substances such as drugs? Don’t you think is too late to be driving in a highway that you are not familiarized with? Did you say you study in Michigan? Are you sure? Because we’ve been told is Kansas College.” No officer. It’s Kalamazoo College, in Michigan.

He went back to the car and brought my papers back. He said that I seemed like a good guy so they would let me go. “Let me go?” That’s crap. I had a Passport with a stamped Visa, a valid driver’s license and a registered rental car, but something had to be wrong. There was no way that a Latin American guy could be traveling around for leisure in North America, right?

And all those questions for what? Maybe he was trying to confirm that his colleagues in the Canadian Embassy, the American Embassy and in the airport customs didn’t make a mistake by stamping my Visa; which by the way implies that I already had to pay hundreds of dollars in fees and get dozens of additional documents to prove that I am not a menace to the homeland security.

Anyway, after I was free to go and the GPS finally worked, I arrived to Mont Tremblant one and a half hour late. It wasn’t a big deal. However, this time in the airport I didn’t have time to lose. After having flown for over 10 hours from Brussels to New York JFK, I only had 3 hours to get my bags, take the metro, then ride a bus and get to La Guardia Airport to finally fly to Chicago where my friend Jason was waiting for me to take me back to Kalamazoo College, spelled as it sounds.

When the immigration officer asked me if I was upset I told him I wasn’t. And I really wasn’t. I was only sorry for all the travelers who have had and will have to deal with the North American Inquisition.